When talking to a spouse, family member or friend with dementia, the growing difficulties in communicating with them effectively can be frustrating and disheartening. But, over time, you learn that what you say to them is less important than how you say it and that you are present for them. As a leading elder care provider, we tell families that you begin to understand that although the way you communicate is changing, it’s still critically important to them and to you that you continue to talk. We encourage families to understand that talking to someone who has dementia is talking to someone whose current reality is very different from yours and from what they used to be before dementia.
Keeping the Lines of Communication Open
To ensure your conversations with your loved one are as positive as possible, use the tips below.
DO’s
- Be aware of the person’s body language. In people with dementia, it may convey a different message than the words they are using. And, use positive non-verbal communication yourself such as a smile or gentle touch, and face the person so they understand they have your attention.
- Wait for them to collect their thoughts if it appears they have more to say. Try not to interrupt or rush them.
- Look for ways a story about the past may be intended to communicate. Use present-day concerns or emotions.
- Try to put yourself into their reality. If they are talking about something that is not actually happening, play along and ask questions so that you can join them wherever they are.
- Practice patience. Conversations may become repetitive, confusing, frustrating, and emotionally draining. Try to have discussions when you are rested and unhurried.
Don’ts
- Avoid arguing with them. A person with dementia can rarely be convinced to change their mind. So, look for ways to take the emotion out of the conversation.
- Don’t stop talking to them even if they don’t or can’t respond. Very loving people with dementia sometimes say things they don’t mean. Try to remember it’s part of the disease.
- Don’t be offended if they say things to or about you that are unfair or hurtful. Speak slowly, make a clear transition from one topic to the next, and ask only one question at a time.
- Try not to get frustrated. Patience and gentle persistence are the keys to having a meaningful dialogue with a person dealing with dementia. If you are attempting to elicit a response, ask your question again in a different way, give an example, share your answer to the question, and above all else, keep talking. You can try again in a different conversation.
- Don’t get discouraged. Some days are better than others and every day is one more opportunity to show your care for someone who is dealing with dementia. Try different times of the day – oftentimes mornings are better for cognition. Try bringing them things they like such as flowers or chocolate chip cookies.
A Positive Environment for Uplifting Interactions
The real-home setting at Green House Homes is designed to make elders feel safe and comfortable. And, as experts in elder care, we know that a relaxed environment can help elders with dementia communicate more effectively.
